His heart probably won't go on (oneshot)
by vala411
Summary: Hiccup thought nothing could surprise him anymore... oh how wrong he was... so very very wrong...


**His heart probably won't go on**

The sound of a vacuum filled the apartment as Hiccup cleaned the living room rug while Snotlout sat on the couch watching TV and eating chips.

"Snot can you not make a mess?!" Hiccup asked as he glared at his cousin and temporary roommate. "I just steamed the couch this afternoon!"

"Chill cuz," Snotlout mumbled as he stuffed another few chips in his mouth. Some crumbs fell on the couch causing Hiccup's eye to twitch. "No seriously. Take a chill pill."

"Ugh, why do I put up with you?!" Hiccup groaned.

"Because you're the bestest cuz in the world and my apartment building is swarmed with bats." Snotlout said in between bites.

"Explain to me again how that happened?" Hiccup grumbled as he stopped vacuuming to grab a dustpan.

"Well you know the twins a floor down and their crazy money-making schemes," Snotlout grumbled. "Their next big idea was a bat guano farm…. In. the. Building!" Snotlout exclaimed. "Like what the hell!"

"So someone let the bats escape and well….."

"And you show up on my doorstep," Hiccup sighed.

"Bingo cuz!"

"Then can you at least clean up after yourself. Astrid will be here any minute," Hiccup stated with his hands on his hips. "I can't have this place looking like a pigsty."

"Hiccup you've been cleaning all morning. Your behind blocked most of the Jeopardy questions!" Snotlout retorted. "If the house isn't clean enough then I'm Jack Sparrow!"

"Don't fool yourself," Hiccup laughed. "You don't have the sass to be Jack Sparrow."

"Hey! I could pull it off!" Snotlout shot back.

"On stilts maybe!" Hiccup laughed. "But you know how important today is. Astrid is coming over finally. And I mean she is actually staying the night. What would she think if something was dirty in the apartment?!"

"She'd think we're men," Snotlout shrugged. "You try too hard cuz. I know this guy in my building. He left his apartment a mess just to see if his girlfriend would clean up after him."

"The hell?!" Hiccup quirked a brow.

"Apparently he wanted to see if she was wife material." Snotlout explained. "I overheard him on the phone when I was paying rent."

"And how did that work out for him?" Hiccup asked though he already knew the answer.

"Well…. He's single now," Snotlout shrugged.

"You're just giving me more ammunition to clean you know." Hiccup stated with a frown.

The doorbell rang not too long after and Hiccup hurried to open it. "Hiya honey," A female voice said and the woman leaned forward to plant a kiss on Hiccup's cheek.

"H-Hi Astrid, come on in," Hiccup stepped back and opened the door wider for her.

"I hope you don't mind. I got some snacks on the way here." Astrid said as she put her overnight bag down and showed Hiccup the groceries. "As well as some wine,"

"Whoooo! I can feel the love tonight!" Snotlout laughed causing Astrid and Hiccup to look at him pointedly. "Oh don't you two love birds worry. I'll be in my room playing WoW." With that he left the living room.

"How was your day?" Hiccup asked as he took the groceries and placed them on the counter. The Oreo ice cream going into the fridge immediately.

"Nothing much happened," Astrid shrugged. "The girls were surprised that I wasn't going out drinking with them tonight,"

"Oh right, Friday night is usually girls night out." Hiccup remembered.

"They were even more surprised when I told them that I was staying here for the night." Astrid said.

"I swear if there isn't a can of whipped cream in that bag I'll eat my shoe!" Snotlout shouted from the hall.

"SNOT!" Hiccup exclaimed. He was slightly blushing from the insinuation.

"So….. Hiccup," Astrid encircled her arms around Hiccup's neck. "So why don't we have ourselves a good night." She winked and hinted at something more causing Hiccup to gulp.

"R-Really…." he managed to stutter.

"I've been wanting to have some fun with you for a while now," Astrid said as she nibbled his ear.

Hiccup was beat red and nearly catatonic but he managed to stammer out "W...Why don't… uhm… Let me just check to….. Uhm….."

"How about I go freshen up and we'll see where the night takes us?" Astrid suggested as she gave Hiccup a kiss before standing up and grabbing her back. "Oh,..." Astrid paused "the girls and I went shopping today for something as well…." More hints were given and Hiccup nearly slid off the couch.

When Astrid had disappeared into the hall, giving Hiccup one last wink, he scrambled up from the couch and stumbled to his bedroom. The shower there was running and he figured Astrid was having a bath.

There was singing coming from the bathroom and Hiccup could make out some of it through the sound of running water. "_I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night. He's gotta be strong. And he's gotta be fast…_" came the effeminate voice through the closed door. It sounded quite good as well and Hiccup listened to it while he was making sure his room was alright. With Snotlout staying in the guestroom he and Astrid would have to share the bed. Not that he had anything against it. It just made him very nervous that she would find something at fault in the room.

The water soon turned off and the song switched. Hiccup could hear it more clearly now. "_Every night in my dreams. I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance. And spaces between us…_." The pitch was perfect and Hiccup laughed. Astrid could sing so wonderfully. He continued listening to the song "_Near, far, wherever you are. I believe that the heart does go on. Once more you open the door. And you're here in my heart._"

"_Love was when I loved you. One true time I'd hold to. In my life we'll always go on…._" The song continued as the door was opened.

"That was amazing M'lad-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Hiccup screamed out of shock as he fell backwards and landed on his behind because the person who came out of the bathroom wasn't Astrid but Snotlout in a fluffy robe with a green face mask on. He also had a towel wrapped around his head and was looking at Hiccup in confusion. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM?!" Hiccup shouted.

"Exfoliating, duh cuz." Snotlout rolled his eyes. "Aunt Valka sends you the best scrubs."

"bu-bu-But… the si-SINGING!" Hiccup sputtered.

"Oh Hiccup…." A sultry voice then said and Hiccup looked towards the door opening to see Astrid in a thin robe leaning against the doorpost. "Ready for some fun?" She then noticed Snotlout in his facemask and Hiccup's shocked face. "Wait… did I miss something?"

Hiccup couldn't wrap his mind around it anymore and just fell backwards.

"Welp, I'm gonna go kill some noobs," Snotlout said as he walked out of the room. "You two have fun!"

**The End**

**AN: This author was tipsy and bored... **


End file.
